I was just reading some old posts from when Frank, myself, the kids in ukraine in July09, and when I stayed behind to tie up the loose ends of Julias adoption. Reading this brought back memories so freesh. Can't belive it's been nearly 17 monthes. Julias adoption had all ready been granted, Frank and the kids were going home seventeen monthes ago today. Little did I know that once Julia and I had arrived back to Kyiv, met a great woman named Rhonda and her daughter Lena at the Dr office there. she really brightened my spirits, as it wasn't easy being there pretty much alone dealing with Julias very difficult explosive behavior, and explosive diarrhea. I reflect on those days, it wasn't all bad. Really liked the city of Kharkov. We were there in summer, all the flowers blooming, people eating at outdoor cafes, having a beer while walking down the street. All of these people out in public, except for the orphans. I am still stunned when I recall the time at Julias. I won't ever forget some kids tied to a plastic toddler seat with a sheet, and a child just jumping into my arms, still attached to a chair, maybe hearing an unfamiliar voice that maybe this person will hold me snuggle me in their arms just for a few minutes. I untied her and did just that. the staff was not happy. I remeber thinking WTF, this is just NOT right. It's NOT right to see babies just laying in a huge crib staring at the sky, as that's all the stimulation they have, at least they were outside when we saw them and it was nice out. I know their is hardly any money, the orphanage had a huge veggie garden, they wash clothes in what looked like an above ground pool that was caving in, guess they just move the clothes around with a large broom handle, and hjang them to dry anywhere. they had an abundance of fruit trees as well. NOT right when Julia had post traumatic stress when we took her apple picking, as we had forgotten she had sat under the same apple tree for years, doing NOTHING. another woman posted on her blog, her adopted son from an institution did NOTHING! We are so fortunate in America, I think nothing here takes on such a differant meaning, than what Julia had, or my bio kids squawking "i'm bored" they really have no concept of nothing or what absolute boredom is. They didn't grow up having to self soothe themselves, pull their hair, scream, they didn't have to be in flight or fight mode all the time, they were not alone. Julia was, never had love or affection, complete and utter boredom, absolutly NOTHING! Not even an identity. she is now starting to realize her name. To this day, I wonder, what happened to the kids in her groupa, one was adopted and lives in the mid west. The poor, little, lost souls. Probabaly lost away in an institution, makes me cry. I have alos never forgottten the words of our translator-adoption worker, "if she gets left here, she will die" and that snapped me right out of my funk. I would really like to go on a mission back there, but maybe someday. I guess I left some of heart there. Off that soap box, on to the next. About 3 wks ago, Julia was sick with a sinusitis, and pneumona, she and I spent about 2.5 hrs in the ER, quiet as it was Thanksgiving, she was nearly admitted. Spoke with the pulmonary Dr about the chest x ray, seems she has a few more funky nodules in her lungs, we're and the Dr are ok with it, just keep an eye on it. He feels that her lungs are midly abnormal, but they work, she can breathe, getting good amounts of oxygen, so that's good. Next Dr I have to find for her is rheumotology, as little miss Funkmaster most likely has Raynauds, where the circulation sucks to the hands, fingers, and feet. they turn a splendid plum color, get very cold, as if she has been out in the cold winter air for hours without shoes or mittens for hours. this still occurs when she is inside with the home of 70 degrees. Usually the purple gets much darker if the outside temp is below 60 degrees. Her face, lips, mouth does not color so that's good. she has been showing some aggression to her class mates in school, circle time she has tried to kick and push a few kids, nice. Matt had a rough day last week at school, a one page note was wriiten about this, not just a few sentances. I felt bad about this, and shed a few tears. I spoke with the SPED teacher yesterday about having a meeting with the regular teacher, SPED, the aide (who is great with Matt), and the school behaviorist, about Matts ongoing school behavior, and being a personal space invader to people. He had a dental appt yesterday, not good. Charming Fellow will need major dental work, have to head in the OR for this. His bottom baby teeth are not loose, adult teeth are all set to come in, no where to go, severe over crowding, they all won't be able to fit. Top teeth same thing, except for the 2 teeth next to the front middle adult teeth are no where to be seen, probabaly won't have any in those spaces. At least he doesn't have any cavities, as somedays are teeth brushing battles. Lets see, can't forget Ashley. She is 9.5 yrs old, somedays going on 16. somedays she is so stubborn, yelling. Others she is just amazing, she likes to help me, she helps with Julia, she now can bring the dog in an out, feeds the pets, becoming more responsabile. I really enjoy being with her. I guess I shold go get some last minute errands done, 4 days until Christmas.